(Scroll down to the bolded text if you don’t care about my personal life. I won’t be mad, I totally understand)
Last November, I made the decision to enjoy a serious break away from the internet through the holidays, even though I was already teetering on this idea since September. This decision was made without any sort of planning or warning, even to my closest friends. While I do feel a little guilty for not having said anything, this was something I really needed in my life. Mike and I had just moved to our new place and even though I had stated with much optimism that I was ready to make this work with my art time, life was not making it so in many good ways.
For instance, I am going to be a mom by next summer.
It was not in our plan, but considering we are now very far away from some problematic family members that I would have never wanted around while I raised my child, I am confident that this was meant to be. It’s scary and I’m not ready, but no mother ever is, as much as they’d like to say otherwise.
I helped my parents get settled in to the home in which they will retire, which is not farther than a 20 minute drive now. I wanted to be there for my best friend who had been suffering through all kinds of abuse and nearly lost her children to her manipulative mother. I needed to bond with my friends who were parents and soak in their wisdom for this upcoming year.
While I usually found solace in art, I had to drift away from it to build these things. I am moving on to a very different season in my life and unfortunately, every moment I was spending online brought a new anxiety. I was sick of seeing people on Facebook call each other ignorant idiots, racists, bigots or what-have-you over this past election, even if they didn’t know the motive behind the vote. I was a nervous wreck for months after the Pulse shooting— a place I used to often drive past. I was sick of seeing ads telling me that the little human I love that’s growing inside of me can be treated like an expendable body part if I’m not ready rather than for serious health reasons. I was tired of seeing mourning left and right over some celebrity passing away as if there was nothing else to possibly talk about. It was too much for me.
Granted, I was not the absolute wreck I was in 2015. In fact, 2016 truly was a much better year for me. But that was because I decided to stop everything and take a good look at where I was and where I should be going. I cut out almost all media. I even told my parents I wouldn’t come over for New Year’s Eve if it meant we were just going to watch the ball drop. Mike and I spent many days outside, exercising, enjoying the local parks… there were even some nice chilly days in which I got to enjoy wearing a nice scarf and hat I received from a very kind deviantArt friend.
I’m guessing that the biggest question you have pertaining to my presence here today is “when will the art start up again?” That’s a great question! I actually don’t have anything ready to say about it, either. It would have been cool to come back in with a BANG and have like a million comic pages ready, but that thought was actually giving me a lot of grief and guilt rather than joy. Seeing that I have life growing in me right now, I didn’t want to stress too much about it. I do love what I do here and I want you to know that whether or not I finish this comic like I originally intended, there will be closure.
Thanks for reading my ramble. Here’s to a good year with more than 6 pages to show for it.