Listen. Read. Or not. Whichever.
It's been a trip for sure, all this art and comics. But it's gotten very hard to stay motivated. I always try to look on the bright side of things, but I have my limits. The reason why I've been away this past month is because I thought I reached that limit a few weeks ago.
I'm not telling you this so that you can feel sorry for me, but so you may understand why I've had a tough time returning.
Other than me noticing that people are leaving me behind (whether they don't like where my comic is going, my pace is getting too frustrating to handle, or I don't post what they originally watched me for)
, there's been some issues outside of the internet that have been making me sad.
Because of some deformity issues, I am in pain every day. It's a pain doctors and therapists say I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Thankfully, it can be reduced to a dull pain if I manage my diet and exercise, but that's not really what you want to hear if you wish for total relief, right? I mean, it even hurts to draw because drawing requires for me to usually lean forward. That is, unless you have the right tools. Which I don't. I've tried to work on the pages and much as I could, but it wasn't enough to make progress. Most of the time, I would give up, crawl on the bed and lay on an ice pack for the rest of the afternoon. I was just absolutely done. Not sure if I even mentioned it, but sometime after my grandmother passed away, my other grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Michael and I are in a huge financial hole and I can't afford the plane ticket to be there for her. Michael is the breadwinner, but his paycheck is not enough. I can't find a job suitable for me. Those jobs that are suitable don't want to hire me because I can't lift more than 10 pounds or have limited mobility or can't stand for long, etcetera.
So... it's more than a little frustrating. Don't worry, I'm okay. ^_^
I've been waging emotional war with myself for the past month. But it occurred to me that I would remain in this ugly cycle if I just lie back and let the depression fester. I need to draw. I need to write. It's my soul medicine. You are all one of the many reasons why I still post online and haven't retreated into a hole. Each one of your messages to me is a little bit of warm sunshine and I am floored that I've garnered as much attention as I have. It has forced me to continue, to challenge myself and to change.
Thank you all! I love you so much and I don't know where I would be without your words! I'm posting again after a month long hiatus because you are worth it! I remembered my personal mission statement from many moons ago... and it was that you can do amazing things if you just don't quit! I want you all to know that and even practice it on your own!
My art is still going. AGENCY is still going, you never have to worry about that. But please understand that I have to manage my pace. My health depends on it. But you know what? I believe my health also depends on my art. Nothing feels quite as good as finishing something you start.
I'm trying to figure out a way I can show my appreciation without hurting myself or deviating from my current mission. I'll figure it out. And I will tackle you all to the ground with my caring. Currently trying to invent a way to get work done without having to strain my back and neck. Maybe I can experiment with lying down. Hehe, that sounds really crazy, but it's worth a shot.
Also, I've been posting in other places! If you want to stalk me, here's YouTube
, here's Tumblr
and here's a Twitter account I have never used
except for a single tweet from a retirement party I attended. I'm going to start using Twitter more often, though. So follow if you want!